What does "Hate Myself" by NF mean?

“Hate Myself” Lyrics Meaning

NF shared on an Instagram Livestream that he wrote part of “Hate Myself” while in therapy, at one of the lowest points of his life, when he was struggling with his mental health in an intense way.

“I wish I could help, but it’s hard when I hate myself” 

“Hate Myself” is about the helplessness that comes with self-hatred and the powerlessness that NF feels as he tries to help either himself or others as he tries to look at himself with understanding instead of anger and hopelessness.

As always, while this analysis will use “NF is dealing with...” or “NF thinks...” statements, these are only to explain what he is expressing in the lyrics. While NF is an artist who is largely autobiographical in his songs, it doesn’t mean that everything stated in his songs are or aren’t about him. NF is a phenomenal emotional storyteller, and while those stories are often true, unless he says so, we can’t be sure what elements are about his life. Either way, these lyrics are very raw and personal in nature and tell an intense and moving story. 

Verse 1

Yeah, late nights are the worst for me

They bring out the worst in me

Mind runnin', got me feelin' like it hurts to think

If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me

All the core beliefs

And every mornin' I wake up and feel like I am not worth it 'cause I'm at war with peace

I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me

Look at the body like, "You ain't nothin' but poor and weak"

It's kinda weird

Lately I been feelin' like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink

That's more deceit, more defeat

Is this really what I'm born to be?

That's what you get for thinkin' you're unique

So poor, but I'm so wealthy

Need help, but you can't help me

What else can the world sell me?

Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they're goin' outta stock

But it's not healthy

The song begins with an introduction into what a bad night looks like for NF. He is experiencing the despair of achieving his dream and finding it’s not enough. There’s “gotta be more.” He finds himself looking at his broken self from the outside and only able to think that he’s “nothin’ but poor and weak.” He doesn’t want to be deceived anymore, but he doesn’t know how to stop buying into the lies.

Chorus

I don't see you like I should

You look so misunderstood

And I wish I could help

But it's hard when I hate myself

Pray to God with my arms open

If this is it, then I feel hopeless

And I wish I could help

But it's hard when I hate myself

Attempting to look at himself with compassion, he admits that he doesn’t see himself the way he should. He’s misunderstanding himself, and he wants to help himself to get better, but needs to overcome his self-hatred. Turning to God, he becomes vulnerable, and confesses that he feels hopeless and needs help. (This may also mean or have a double meaning of having a loved one who is hurting and feeling unable to help them because of how much pain he’s in himself.)

Verse 2

Yeah, late nights get the best of me

They know how to get to me

Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me

But I don't wanna die, I just wanna get relief

So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful

What is success when hope has left you?

I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record

I'm sick of doin' interviews 'cause I hate myself, agh!

Come across like it's so easy

But I feel like you don't need me

When I feel like you don't need me

Then I feel like you don't see me

And my life has no meaning, drain me

Hands out, tryna ask for love

But when I get it, I just pass it up

Throw it away and think about it later

Diggin' through the trash for drugs

Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't

I'm scared because

Suicidal thoughts threaten him, but he reminds himself that he doesn’t “wanna die, [he] just [wants to] get relief.” He feels like the people in his life don’t need him and that there isn’t a purpose for him. Wanting love, he doesn’t know how to accept it yet, and can’t find a way to give those he loves what they need. 

Verse 3

I walk through the ashes of my passions

Reminiscin' with the baggage in my casket

Get lost in the questions I can't answer

Can't stand who I am, but it don't matter

We scream to be free, but I stay captured

Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions

Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking

Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it

But I can't have it

Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it

But I can't have it

Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it

He can feel peace calling to him and struggles with anger at himself for struggling with the same questions he doesn’t know the answers to. He wants it, he craves it, but he doesn’t know yet how to take hold of it. However, that he can hear that peace speaking to him and realizes he is being unfair to himself means that he is likely at a turning point in his healing journey.

Deeper Meaning of “Hate Myself” by NF

“Hate Myself” is a raw and heartbreaking song. NF’s honesty in his own healing journey will hopefully encourage other people that they too can search for hope and cling to it even when it can’t be felt yet. Despite the pain he is in and the fear he experiences, he holds on and tries to see himself clearly and with compassion. He can’t feel that peace inside, but he pushes forward and hangs on with the hope that it exists and that the feeling will follow one day. As a big fan of his, and someone who cares about him as a person, I’m so thankful that he’s not only started on the path to healing, but that he’s chronicling it for everyone who is in a similar place to be given strength. I know it gets better as the healing continues, and I hope that’s soon for NF. Keep the search, and when you find that hope, embrace it with everything you have, carry it with you, and never stop discovering the countless reasons why that hope is real.